Some mistakes were made again and again in the paragraphs. Point transitions were not seperate sentences than the sentences that embedded the quotes. Also, there was qiute a bit of plot summary before the concrete details. But I did think it was helpfull to me as a writer to critique other people's writing because it is easier to see what could have more work done when you yourself did not write it. To write a good paper you have to accept the things you don't do well and try to improve it rather than ignore it.
I know I have to make my concrete details fit better and support my thesis more strongly. I can usually make a pretty good thesis, but I have some trouble finding examples that really back up the point I am trying to make. Also, I need to work on making my commentary more of my own ideas and thoughts because some of it was borderlining plot summary. I will try to improve in these places and make my next 5 part paragraph better.
Alena
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